Posted in Mentality

How past experiences made me HATE physical exercise and how I no longer do

Hey, listen! I’m here to tell you that working out can definitely be fun and is something you should aim to include in your life at least somehow, but that the reason you don’t like it, might lie hidden in your past experiences.

No, don’t worry, this isn’t going to be some sort of insperational blah blah about how working out or doing sports is healthy for you and you should be doing it, if you wanna keep your body in a good working condition. Heck, you’re probably confronted with that every single day on some sort of social media platfrom and I’m pretty sure you also know that it’s true.

Nope, I am here to tell you that the reason why you might think “Sport ist Mord”, which is a German saying that basically means doing sports is like murdering yourself, might be because of your past experiences with physical exercise. Let me explain what I mean by that.

I feel like everyone knows that past experiences shape us as to who we become as a person, right? However, I feel like sometimes we underestimate, how much influence past experiences can really have on our lives. For me, it took me years to realize that the reason why I used to hate physical exercise and especially ball games has to do with my school days or more specifically PE class during my school days.

If you know what I look like from my socials or my streams, then you’ll know that I’m quite short and for the longest time was quite thin and weak. This should already give you an indicator that that used to make me the perfect candidate to be bad at most things involving physical excercise but now imagine a Luna during puberty and basically being a whisp of a girl. Yeah, as you might guess correctly, I wasn’t very good in PE.

That lead to me always being one of the last ones, if not the last one, to get picked for literally anything and the group that I ended up in, was always unhappy to have me because I was basically dragging down the whole team in their eyes. I was the weak link. I detested that feeling but it made me detest PE as a whole even more.

Having teachers that weren’t encouraging but instead criticised you for not being able to do some stuff in quite a harsh way or, even worse, made fun of you for not being able to do something didn’t help either obviously. The only thing I was decent in, was running, especially sprinting, but since we didn’t do that often, and if we did running then only as stamina training, which I was then again not that good at, there wasn’t really anything that I enjoyed about PE nor something that I could prove myself in so to speak.

Running was also something I did, when I needed to turn off my brain for a bit, so I often went for a run in the afternoon after school and it felt good… until I got told by a doctor that I shouldn’t go running because it was causing me to lose even more weight than my already fast metabolism was causing me to lose and instead should do some other sports. Instead of trying to find something else, I felt like the only part of physical exercise that I really enjoyed just got ripped away from me and just stopped althogether out of frustration.

And then there was the changing room situation. Being as scrawny and small as I was, I wasn’t really traditonally “female” looking. I don’t think I need to explain what that means, I feel like you have all the information you need regarding my looks back then. Well, now imagine you’re in a changing room with a bunch of girls, most of which are already starting to develop curves, and on top of you already feeling self-concious because of your body, you also have to deal with comments from them about your physique, which weren’t necessarily always malicous but they still hurt and made me feel even more uncomfortable.

Needless to say, it was the cocktail of all of that that used to make me hate PE in school but it extended to hating physical exercise overall.

Coming back to the present, I am still underweight but slowly working towards a healthy weight by cooking healthy and nutritous food, working out three times a week, building strength and muscles and actually enjoying physical exercise again. I’ve found a routine and exercises that work for me and I’m actually looking forward to the times when I can do a workout again. Sure, there will always be days where I struggle with the motivation to do so, but I feel like everyone deals with that from time to time and I don’t fall back into that “Sport ist Mord” mentality anymore.

So, for me, it was all about realizing that, finding what works for me, and building a regular routine that made me able to go from hating physical exercicse to genuinely enjoying it again.

Maybe, while reading this, you’ve also realized that you’ve had similar experiences like that and if you have, I’m sorry. But on a positive note, you might just have found a reason, not saying it is the reason, what was stopping you from trying to find something you enjoy.

Also feel free to share your experiences regarding this topic in general, if you want to. I love reading your comments and I will try to get better at answering them quicker, sorry about that 😅 .

Take care, everyone that’s reading this, til the next one ❤


(PS: Let me know, if you got the reference in the introductory paragraph 😁)

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