Posted in Mentality

Of Emotional Burnout and Social Anxiety

Hello fellow people on this earth, I am back and a lot has happened. My mental health has gone from bad to worse and then to better again and now I would say we’re somewhere between okay and good. But let me start from the beginning.

Once upon a time… okay we don’t need to go that far back but let’s indeed go back a few months. As you may or may not know (you would know, if you watch me on twitch) my mental state was pretty fragile for a while after that stressful time last year. A lot of canceled plans, streams, events… you name it, I probably canceled it. I was constantly feeling stressed, overwhelmed and like everything was just too much. I felt like a rubber band that was being stretched too far, ready to snap at any given moment.

After a while I felt like something was seriously going wrong in my life. I started noticing things like myself being constantly anxious when around friends and family alike, which was something I used to only experience in social situations with strangers before. I also started to have a hard time doing simple things like going shopping or going to pick up a package without being super anxious or needing like days to prepare in advance.

Long story short, I noticed it was starting to affect me in my daily life and quite strongly so. I have always been a bit socially anxious but I’ve always managed to cope with it. At that point I no longer was able to, and a rule that I had set myself was that I would look for help incase it ever startes influencing my daily life and stops me from doing things. So that’s what I did. I got help and it got better. We figured out that my social anxiety probably started getting worse and developed into a disorder because I was rarely leaving my place and that that was because I was lacking the energy in the first place. So I realized that it was all connected like a weird hell cycle: Constantly stressed out and no time for myself led to me not having any energy and no longer enjoying things. That led to me canceling plans, meaning I didn’t subject myself to social situations which in turn made the social anxiety get worse and worse which made me more stressed out and …. I think you get the gist.

Fast foward a year to now and I am slowly beginning to recover. About a month ago I told my roommate “you know what? I finally feel like I wanna do more than the bare minimum again” and that was such a huge feeling for me after I had felt so empty and without energy for a long time. I’ve also changed a few things in my life. I have restructured my day just enough so that it has a lose structure to keep me from feeling like I am just drifting along, I’m trying to add some habits into my day like meditation, regularly working out and going to bed and getting up at a regular time and I call “offline-hour”.

Offline hour was really something I wanted to implement into my daily rhythm simply because a lot of my life happens online. During offline hour I turn off my Internet for an hour. No social media, no chats, just time for myself. Whether or not offline hour consists of me actively doing something or just chilling and listening to music for an hour doesn’t matter. This is my time that I am taking to turn off from the day, so to speak. And believe me when I say you cannot imagine how incredibly rejuvenating this hour is for me, it gets my mind to slow down and stops it from going what sometimes feels like million miles an hour. It’s pure bliss.

I also, believe it or not, may have finally found a solution for my pesonal problem that I have with procrastination. I will write a separate blog post on that soon because it’s really something I wanna share with you.

Alright Luna, that’s all fine and well you’ve found ways to no longer be burnt out but what about the social anxiety, how is that going?

I’m so glad, you’re asking, dear reader. As shitty as it might sound but the only way how you can beat social anxiety is by subjecting yourself to the situations you’re the most scared of. So I did. I went shopping although my heart was racing and I was constantly fidgeting around. I went to that gathering although my head was telling me a billion good reasons not to go and instead stay home where it’s safe and we don’t have to deal with anxiety symptoms.

However, just because you should subject yourself to those things, it doesn’t mean that you can’t do it with stabilizers. I used to get massively overwhelmed by a lot of people and their noise, so I used to only enter stores or places with a lot of people with my headphones on. Works totally fine when you’re alone, not so much when you’re with someone or rather you’re meeting up with people to go somewhere, where a lot of other people are too. So that was always a bit of an issue. But thanks to my instagram algorithm I have found a solution for that too. I want to give you a proper review of that solution though also in another blog post because it deserves it. Don’t worry, you won’t have to wait long.

But yeah, needless to say, I am doing much better. Of course there are always things that can still be improved, bad habits that can and need to be broken but I am making progress and I’m so incredibly happy about that. ๐Ÿ˜Š

The last thing I still wanna say, if you’ve made it this far, is “thank you”. Thank you for sticking with me, thank you for being patient with me, thank you for taking the time to read this and thank you for listening to me. I’m not writing these posts because I want pity or anything the like. I’m writing these because I want to be open about mental health related topics. I want to be open about how it easy it can be to slip into something like this and I want these topics to no longer be taboo topics no one talks about because we all have to function. We don’t. It’s okay to take breaks, it’s okay to say no and it’s okay to look out for yourself, to take care of yourself. In fact, it is not only okay, it’s a must.

So please do me and yourself a favor and do so โค

And now I will go, offline hour is about to start. We’ll read each other in the next one.
Take care.


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Posted in Rambling

A Nostalgic Love Letter to Music

I have only recently realized again how putting on music can change your entire day around and how much that fact alone makes me love it. So I decided to show my love for it in this post; in the form of an admittedly very nostalgic love letter.

Dear Music,

Ever since I was old enough to understand what music is, you have been part of my life.
In the form of the old records my dad used to listen to, in the form of the lullabies and childrens songs my mum used to teach me and sing for me, and in the form of the radio constantly playing in the background whenever we did anything. I grew up with so many different genres of music due to my parents’ varied music taste and I could not be happier about that fact; and how it has shaped my own music taste to like almost everything as well.

I still remember the time, when I got my very first portable CD-player. It was my pride and joy and I took it with me everywhere I went. It blew my mind to know what this, what I back then thought, small thing was capable of doing. I was able to listen to you wherever I wanted and didn’t have to rely on a my radio at home. It was truly revolutionary!

I would say that this was the point in my life, where I started to write “love listening to music” into all the “friends books” I received and into every single text that asked of me to write what I like doing or describe my day and so on and so forth. You became my daily companion.

Fast forward a couple of years, music is now portable on phones and one no longer needs to record radio songs with their flip phone to have special ringtones (god, I’m old). I am now in highschool, which means daily busrides to the city in the morning and the afternoon. It’s loud and there are a lot of people. Sometimes I don’t even get to sit down for the first few stops but I don’t care. I have you. I have my my headphones, and the few songs that would fit on phones are playing up and down. Maybe this is why I’m still the kind of person that can listen to the same song(s) up and down without getting bored. There were a lot of things that weren’t great about highschool but I think it was due to music that I came home and was able to deal with those things. I’m sure you’re familiar with the saying “music on – world off”? It’s a clichรฉ saying but it’s true. You helped me dream myself into worlds that weren’t ours. I had somewhere I belonged.

It also always impresses me that it was due to you that there were actually two occurences that led to me finding friends because the people were wearing band t-shirts of bands that I like, and I decided to just go up and talk to them. One was in the school I went to after highschool and the other was at university. Both of those people became very close friends of mine. So the other saying “music connects people” is also definitely true. You do. You create communities where people of all kinds can come together and enjoy the same thing. That fact has only recently become very prevalent again, when I was at a concert for the first time in like three years. The people visiting the concert couldn’t have been more different from each other. There were people that were dressed casually, people that were fully styled, people who were my parents age and people who were significantly younger than me. It was truly incredible to see you bring all of those people together.

I feel like the older I became, the more important you became to me and the more I needed you in my life. You became a neccessity for both the good days and the bad. For the happy moments and the sad. For motivation and for relaxation. For when I can’t sleep and for when I just need you to be loud enough, so I can no longer hear my own thoughts.

So now, I just wanna say thank you. Thank you to all the artists that make you into something beautiful, powerful, and emotional every single day. Thank you to the people that made it possible to listen to you, no matter where I go. Thank you for bringing people together and thank you being there for me whenever I need you. You truly are a gift to humanity and I truly don’t know what I would do without you.

With Love,


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Hello, and thank you so much for reading this post. This was definitely a little bit different from how I usually write my posts but I had the urge to write something creative. So now, there is also a category named that way, where I can play around with some more creative types of writing. I hope you enjoyed it nonetheless. If you wanna know when the next post comes out, click the subscribe button down below and you shall be informed! ๐Ÿ˜„

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Posted in Mentality

Dealing with Writer’s Block and Overthinking

A blank page. Cursor blinking. On. Off. On. Off. On… Fingers switching between resting on the keys and restlessly thrumming on them but no words are filling the page.

What I just described is a part of what it feels like to have writer’s block. There are either too many ideas but no clarity of how to write them or simply too few and your mind feels blank, as if there are no words in it.

To be fairly honest with you, I don’t know what this post is going to be, nor do I know, if I will even publish this. I just have the need to write something, anything at all, because it feels like I can’t at the moment. What I’m writing doesn’t feel good enough, not worthy enough, not cohesive enough to be on the Internet and be read by you. Words too shallow, sentences and paragraphs not long enough. I just need to prove to myself that I still know how to write.

Should I publish this, it is not to arouse pity or make you feel like you have to reassure me. It is simply to show what I think many writers, no matter the type of content they produce, go through sometimes. Some more (often) some less (often). And I would also say that depending on the individual, the experience is different for each and everyone.

So, now we know what the problem is but how do we deal with it? Well, I think the best way how to deal with writer’s block or rather, how I always deal with it, is by writing. Ha, ha, very funny Luna. Yeah, no, I am serious. Just sit down and write. Don’t focus on your project, the text that you’re supposed to be writing, but just write. Open your notepad, Word or whatever program it is you’re using to write, or simply grab a pen and some paper or a notebook and just write. Whatever comes to your mind. Your current thoughts, recount your day, a conversation you had with a friend and what you think about it. Just write. Produce words.

It can be so freeing not to focus on anything specific but just open your mind and let anything that comes to mind flow onto the page. It’s basically what I am doing right now. I just sat down and wrote. Not thinking about anything specific, just letting the thoughts that are currently bothering me be those thoughts and as I am writing, it feels like the text is writing itself. I’m not really worried about structure, cohesiveness or anything else, I’m just writing, with no goal in mind.

Sometimes we worry too much about what we’re writing, how we’re writing it and what people will think of it. Heck, today it took me about 20 minutes just to formulate a single email because I was overthinking it and double checking everything. Sure, some people would call that professional, it’s just something you do, if you wanna make sure that there are no mistakes, but I would say there is a small line between being throrough and exact and being pedantic. Like, I overthink every single sentence that I write. Is the tone right? What if it is misconstrued? CAN it even be misconstrued? And so on and so forth. It’s exhausting, really.

Realizing that sometimes writing can just be, well writing aka the act of putting words down and doesn’t in and of itself come with any rules or requirements, can really help take the strain off of things.

I think I will publish this, even if it’s just to show you this process that I and likely many others go through from time to time. Who knows, maybe it helps some of you to feel more confident in your own writing. Maybe you realize that not everything you write has to be absolutely perfect every single time and maybe, just maybe it’ll help you to be a little bit kinder to yourself, just as I am being right now.

Take care and stay safe, everyone โค


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Posted in Mentality

Instant Gratification Station

This is, in a way, an add-on to my other post. Check that one out, if you haven’t already. I think I’ve mentioned instant gratification briefly in my other post but I’ve recently noticed how bad it can actually get.

Motivational issues are nothing new to anybody I would think. It’s just one of these days where you feel kinda “meh” about the things you have to do and procrastinate on them by doing other things. Yeah, that’s what your day usually looks like, if you’re procrastinator. However, I have these days where I go and procrastinate on things that I actually want to do by doing other things that I also like but do everyday anyway.

There are exactly two reactions that one gets when they describe this issue to someone else. It’s either “oh, yeah, I do that too” or “eeeeeh….what?”. Let me explain it to the ones that had the second reaction while reading this: This means that I want to, for example, play a video game sometime during the day and I have the free time to do so but I end up being on my phone instead (like being on Pinterest for ages, anyone else?) until it’s too late to actually still play said video game and I end up being salty because I didn’t get to do the thing that I actually wanted to do…. Aka. I didn’t have “proper freetime” because being on my phone is something I do every single day anyway, like that doesn’t count as freetime, what are you talking about?

Or to give you another example: I will sit there and watch a movie that I haven’t seen before and I am actually curious to know what will happen but I want to know it right then and there and so I take out my phone and google the fucking plot summary instead of normally watching the movie like any other person would…

Yeeeah, I’ll give you a moment to take that in…

It is so absolutely and utterly stupid that I don’t even know myself how I can justify that in any way, shape or form. I don’t think you can. But the main problem is: I feel like it’s getting worse and worse. We basically have constant entertainment at our disposal. The Internet is filled with things that we can discover and oh yes… look… the approximately 6000th pin that I can save to one of my many boards, don’t mind if I do… Now, where was I? Dammit, got distracted again.

It’s so easy to fall into this trap of instant gratification, even if you’re actually looking forward to something else. Because why turn on the PC and start a game, when I have my phone right here, next to my cozy and warm bed, and I don’t even have to properly move in order to get it? And I would say that, as someone who is already succumbing to instant gratification when procrastinating on the things I have to do, it’s even easier to succumb to it in every other situation as well.

It’s insanely frustrating and the only real solution is to just stop doing it. There is no magic potion, no productivity tool, no “try this and all your problems will be a thing of the past” voodoo trick that will solve this issue, the same goes for procrastination. It’s all just mentality. That and the fight against the weaker self that you have to do over and over and over again until you finally come out on top for good.

sighs But hey, who knows maybe this year will finally be the one where I beat procrastination and everything it comes with for good – yeah, let’s all laugh together.

Anyways, I am gonna go now and make sure my procrastinating, instant gratification loving ass has less to procrastinate on. Take care everyone! โค


Now reading through what I have just written, it almost seems as if my phone was the problem, but psssssh… let’s not go into that shall we?

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Posted in Bullet Journal, Tips and Tricks

9 Bullet Journal “mistakes” you might be making

Consistency is key when it comes to bullet journaling actually being a useful tool to you, but just like me you might be making some “mistakes” that keep you from sticking to it.

I have been bullet journaling for multiple years by now and there have certainly been phases, where I wasn’t as consistent with it as I would have liked to be. For example, last year I definitely had a low point where the last spread I did was in April, and I didn’t start up until Mid-January this year. During those phases I like to take a step back and reevaluate what’s stopping me from keeping up with it. While doing so, I have noticed some “mistakes” I was making, which were stopping me personally from using the system continuously.

Why do I write “mistakes” in quotation marks you ask? Well, none of these really are mistakes in the sense of you’re actually doing something wrong, if you do these. No, not at all! But for me they were mistakes because they hindered me in using my bullet journal effectively. So they are my personal mistakes, if you will. Some of these I have also already mentioned in my Five Things Beginner Bullet Journalists Should Know blog post, but I thought it wouldn’t hurt to mention them again, for good measure ยฏ\_(ใƒ„)_/ยฏ

So, now that this disclaimer is out of the way, let’s get started:

1.Not setting apart a designated time of day for journaling

This is crucial, especially if your day tends to be different every single day. Set aside a designated time in the morning and evening in order to fill in any trackers, plan for the next day or plan any new spreads.

For me, I now like to start into the day with it. So after getting up, I sit down, still in my pyjamas, fill in my sleep tracker and add on any additional tasks that I might still have thought of. Then I go about my day, ticking off tasks whenever I achieved something and then in the evening, before I got to bed, I fill in my other trackers and plan my next day.

Since I am only using one type of weekly spread, called “the rolling weekly”, I add on tasks and events regularly during the week into one big list instead of copying them over day by day. (Btw, if you’re interested in how that works and what that looks like, make sure you leave a comment, and I can make a mini post about how the rolling weekly works and why it is the best method for me personally)

2.Not setting apart a designated time for creating new spreads

The same thing as above goes for creating new spreads in general. I often found myself being way too late for setting up a new weekly spread. I have made sure to set aside a designated day of the week, that day being the Saturday, in order to work on a new weekly spread. This is especially useful, if you wanna make intricate, special spreads for each week that are a bit more time consuming than the rolling weekly.

3.Starting with monthly set ups too late/ trying to do them all in one day

This “mistake” goes hand in hand with the two above but I still decided to mention it seperately. Same as with the weekly spreads, I often started with new monthly set ups way too late ( and by that I mean way too late, like we’re talking either last day or, even worse, the new month had already started by the time I got to it…) and on top of that, tried to do the whole set up in one day.

Now, if you’re like me and you like intricate monthly set ups that do take a bit of time to set up, you will easily see the mistake here. Setting up a nice title page often takes me about 4-5 hours alone, depending on how intricate and detailed I’m making it of course (I think the longest one was even 6-7 hours). That’s half or more of a regular work day… yeah.. not really possible to do an entire set-up, unless I spend like 10-12 hours a day on it, which is time that I certainly don’t have, nor want to have.

So the solution for that mistake is an easy one: start a few days before the month ends, so you have enough time in order to finish it, before the new month starts.

4.Too many or complicated trackers

Another “mistake” that I made was having too many trackers in my bullet journal. Sure, in the beginning you wanna try stuff out to see what works for you and what and how you want to implement them, but I certainly overdid it with the trackers. I was basically tracking every aspect of my life, which ended up with me feeling bad if I didn’t accomplish things or simply forgot to fill out the tracker.

I have since then downgraded to 3 main trackers (habits, mood and sleep) and a gratitude log, and let me tell you, it becomes so much easier to fill those out, especially if you manage to implement them well.

5.Focusing too much on making spreads look intricate/ perfect

In the beginning, I wanted my bullet journal to be perfect. Like all those other ones that I was seeing online; with beautiful covers, detailed spreads and gorgeous illustrations. I quickly realized, how time consuming it actually was to make those spreads, but I still spend time that I actually didn’t have on making them. By focusing so much on that I lost the fun I orginally had with creating those spreads because they took so long to make.

Taking a step back and realizing that simpler spreads are just as effective and may be even more so, when times are stressful has helped me immensely in adapting my spreads and my effort to how much time I actually have.

6.Comparing yourself to others / not allowing yourself to be a beginner

This point is one that I would consider the most harmful out of all of my mistakes. Maybe you know the feel: You’re confronted with all of those wonderful and talented people making all of these beautiful and intricate spreads and then you look at your own and promptly get discouraged. Sound familar?

I know how you feel, cause I felt the same when I was just starting out. I spent ages on making a spread and in the end it still wasn’t “good enough”; and that realization hurt. It hurt so much that I was completely and utterly ashamed of some spreads, to the point where I didn’t want to show it to anyone, despite being proud of it beforehand.

Or maybe a spread didn’t turn out the way that you imagined it? Yeah, had that too, and it was so insanely frustrating. I was focusing more and more on the mistakes I was making and my shortcomings instead of on the things that I was getting better in.

To be honest the only real advice I have for you in case you’re experiencing those feelings as well is to stick with it. Stick with it, try to focus on the things that are improving and start simple. Start with the things you know you’ll be able to do easily and gradually move up from that. You will get better because practice does make perfect.

It also helped me to figure out, how long some people have already been bullet journaling before and/or have done art before. It can put things into perspective.

7.Not allowing yourself to be inspired by others

This next one sorta ties in with the one above but please as much as you’re not supposed to compare yourself to others, allow yourself to gather inspiration from others. That doesn’t mean you’re supposed to copy them, of course, but put your own spin on things.

I often wanted to be completely original, cause my thought process was that if I’m not original then I’m just a copy. That is not how things work though. You are definitely allowed to sit down and recreate a spread or hell, even a whole set up that you’ve seen and you like. It’s so easy to make it your own though. Use different colors, change certain elements, add on or leave out things; the options of customizing spreads and set ups are endless.

Slowly but surely you’ll notice that you develop your own style and are more and more able to work with even just small bouts of inspiration and make those into fully fledged set ups and then all you need to do is to share them with the world. Who knows, maybe you’ll be the one who’s inspiring others then. ^-^

8.Not trying out new things

This is one was a big one for me as well. I kinda forced myself to stick with the things that I started with, despite noticing that it wasn’t really working for me the way I did it, just because “everyone else does it that way”.

Not trying out new things, giving yourself the chance to figure out what works for you and what doesn’t, replacing the things that aren’t working with things that might be, almost killed my entire process of bullet journaling. Had I not taken a step back and taken the time to figure out what I can change/ try out in order to make the system work for me (again), I would probably have stopped bullet journaling and never taken it up again. So take a step back, maybe watch a few different creators on youtube, gather some inspiration and really give yourself the time to try out new things. This is your bullet journal. The goal is to figure out a system that works for you and no one else.

9.Focusing too much on not having/ getting the “right” tools

Last but not least, a short but really important one. (Although this doesn’t apply to anyone because some people prefer to keep it simple anyway).

I remember spending way too much time and money on finding and getting the “right” supplies. There are so many creators out there who are using all of these fancy stationary, such as calligraphy pens and markers and gel pens and different types of fineliners, but I’ll let you in on a little secret: You don’t need all of those. You can do faux calligraphy with any fineliner of your choice and you probably have some colors at home that you can use to make your spreads a bit more lively, should you decide to do so. Those pens you were/are using in school? Brilliant! Markers? Hell, yes! That pencil you use on a daily basis? Yep, perfect! To cite a lot of people who have said this before: “All you need is a notebook and a pen” Anything else is just a bonus.

So there you have it, 9 bullet journal “mistakes” that I was making and that you might be making too. I hope you enjoyed reading this post, see you in the next one and as always: Stay safe and healthy โค


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Posted in Life, Mentality

2021 RECAP

Starting to stream, receiving a huge boost, finding new friends through streaming, increasing my work hours, losing my job… So many things have happened…

Hi, I’m back! 2021 definitely was a roller coaster from start to finish. Strap yourselves in folks, this is gonna be a long one.

So I recently cracked open my, admittedly very failed, Bullet Journal for 2021 (the last spread I did was April…but let’s not talk about that now shall we? ๐Ÿ˜…) and realized that almost all of the things that I wrote at the very beginning of the year, the things that 2021 should be filled with, 2021 has actually been filled with.

Happiness, ideas, togetherness, positivity, hugs, luck, laughter, growth, opportunities and many more…

But there were also multiple things that went less than ideal. So let’s start the recap, shall we?

As you may or may not know, I started streaming last year in April. Pretty much along the same time, I opened this blog and began writing blog posts. Was, unfortunately, not really able to keep up with it, but more on that and why I’m hoping to change that again in a bit. Pretty soon after I had started streaming, I was insanely lucky to receive a huge boost, for which I will be forever grateful, and suddenly there were people actually watching and caring about what I did. It was an incredible feeling and I was extraordinarily happy. So happy that I wished I could do it all the time. However, I was still working part time and had even recently increased my hours, because I had actually managed to get myself a bachelor’s degree and wanted to focus a bit more on working instead of uni. Didn’t mean that I wanted to stop focusing on uni completely, but at that point we had summer holidays, so stuff worked out, but boy was I naive to think that it would continue being that way. (Spoiler: It didn’t.)

Summer holidays also meant I had more time for being social, which was great, considering I had actually found new friends via streaming. Didn’t think it was actually possible to get this close with people you’ve never met in real life, but the internet, chatting and video phoning did it’s job and we knew pretty quickly that we wanted to meet in real life. All of that required planning and since I was the only one that was working every single day, we had to plan that around that somehow. It worked out, but it certainly wasn’t ideal, however, it wasn’t as if I could have just taken time off anytime someone was coming, so it was what it was.

As the summer faded, work became more and more demanding, which is not a surprise considering more hours meant more responsibility, and I quickly realized that I probably wouldn’t be able to continue as things were, but I tried. I tried to squeeze everyhing I could into the day: work, stream, blog, other socials, uni, workout, social life, at that point also a relationship and free time/time where I took care of myself. Needless to say, it didn’t work out and multiple fights, mental break downs, lost sleep and lost weight, due to simply not having the time to eat, were the result of the lifestyle that I was living, but I tried to keep going. My friends became more and more concerend about me and my health and tried to make me see that I was already at my limit and wouldn’t be able to continue, but I was stubborn.

Then came September, October and the beginning of November. Now, sorry, I know that sounds all dramatic and stuff, like something along the lines of “everything changed when the fire nation attacked” but it was sorta dramatic. At the end of September I lost my, what I thought was a stable job, due to economical reasons. This was a first for me and I knew that I had 6 weeks in order to find something new. I wanted to give Twitch a chance, but doing that meant that I had to see whether or not I could make it work. So I increased my stream hours, while simultaneously looking for a new job, because I didn’t think it would work out financially otherwise.

The next one and half months were hell. Uni had picked back up and that meant that I had even less time for the stuff I was doing. So there I was, trying to manage a week with about 12-15 hours of streaming, 15 hours of work, about 2-3 hours of uni each day, doing organisatory and bureaucracy stuff for the stream, trying not to fry my social life completely, being there for the people who needed me, trying to keep my relationship from completely breaking appart and doing the bare minimum to keep my soul from leaving my body, in order to find a more responsible vessel… Yeah… I don’t think that I need to tell you that this is definitely not something you should do.

Relief came with a talk that I had with my parents, who told me that for now I don’t have to worry about finding something new. That I should give Twitch a chance. That I should cut back at work to do the necessary but not more and also cut back at uni, since I have a degree already and can always focus on uni again, once the other things are sorted out. I am so insanely grateful to them for being as supportive as they are. Yes, I may be 25 years old and no longer need the approval from my parents, but knowing that they do support you is just absolutely incredible. From then on things began to be a bit easier. It was still stressful but the insane pressure lessened. Unfortunately, my relationship did end up falling appart, but I’m not gonna elaborate on that any further. It just didn’t work out, because we had different views.

For the rest of the year I fell into a somewhat comfortable rythm. Doing uni, which sadly started being online again, so my motivation for that flew out of the window never to be seen again pretty quickly, and streaming in between. And for a while that worked out pretty well. However, towards the end of the year and beginning this year I started to notice that something wasn’t right. I felt frustrated and angry with myself and didn’t even know why for some time. After a while I realized that it was, because I wasn’t being as productive as I’d liked to be and that wasn’t happy anymore with the quality of the content I was producing. Granted, I was also dealing with some health issues, but my mentality plummeted and I felt drained more often than not. On top that I felt like I wasn’t improving anymore. I had lost my fire and had gotten too comfortable. I had completely stopped producing any sort of other content other than stream and I had gotten bored of myself, my own content.

All of this I realized with a clarity when I woke up one day, after a horrid night’s sleep, and my head just started screaming at me. All of my insecurities, self-doubt and every negative thought I’ve ever had about myself were there all of a sudden and they were so loud. After I had finally found a way to make them quieten down again, I knew with a clarity that this wasn’t how things can continue. I needed to change something. What those changes are gonna be exactly, is at the point of writing this post still up in the air. I’m hoping to use this week to clean up some “constuction zones” that are currently open, reorganize myself and figure out not if but how I’m gonna continue this adventure I’m currently on.

However, one of the things that I already know that I wanna change, is to create other content besides streaming again, including blog posts. The plan is to do at least one a week, even if it’s just someting I ramble about and it’s less elaborate than this one right here. Some of the other things that I wanna work out is my own health – mentally and physically. I can’t just stop taking care of my body any time things get stressful, so I also need to find preventitive measures to make sure that all of the negative things above don’t happen again, and, on top of all that, I need to find a way to realistically decide, what I can promise others and myself, as to not keep feeling like I’m disappointing people and myself.

So yeah, that was my 2021 and the beginning of 2022. I know that it was a long post, so thank you for taking the time to read. It feels good to be back to writing and I’m hoping that I will be able to keep up with it.

Time to show you what I can do once I have regained my passion!

But for now, see (read) you in the next one! Please stay safe and healthy! โค


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A Laywoman’s Guide to Meditation

Where to start, why I think everybody should at least try it once and what all of that has to do with no longer wanting to give a fuck about everything. Put your seat belt on peeps, this is a long one xD

So, if you have read my “The Path to Self-Improvement” series, you probably already know this, but for those who didn’t: I’ve started meditating regularly during the past month.

I’ve always wanted to include meditation in my daily routine, simply because the few times I did try it, it always felt nice. However, I always struggled with keeping up with it or finding time for it every single day. That has now changed, thanks to the challenge that me and my friend Joan did for two weeks. I have included meditation into my daily routine and, in fact, have already noticed that I miss it, if for some reason, I don’t have time to do it on certain days.

Now, I am certainly no expert, probably not even intermediate yet, when it comes to meditation, but I wanted to write this post nonetheless because I noticed that it can be confusing af to know where to even start and there are a bunch of things that I find are important to know, regarding the topic.

How do I know, if meditation is for me?

Honestly, I think everyone can and should at least try to give meditation a shot at some point in their lives. In my opinion you can only know, if it is for you, if you have tried it. I mean, I guess if the concept of sitting still and focusing on yourself for a few minutes doesn’t appeal to you at all, then that’s also okay, of course. However, even then I’d recommend to at least try it once, you might be surprised.

To Guide or to be Guided that is the question…

…and probably a major one that you are likely to ask yourself at the beginning of your meditation journey.

Guided meditations are programs or videos where someone quite literally talks you through the whole process. They are most often targeting a certain topic and help you focus by telling you to pay attention to your body and your breathing. The benefit of such meditations is that it is easier to stay focused than it would be, if you didn’t have a voice that keeps bringing you back to the task at hand, when your thoughts inevitably decide to take a stroll.

Non-guided meditations on the other hand are great, if you just want to sit down and relax for a little bit without having to focus on anything. They are fantastic for “emptying your mind”, so to speak. However, while some people might immediately get the hang of it, most people, including myself, struggle to keep their mind from wandering during meditation, especially when they are only starting out. So it can be a quite hard to just sit down, focus on nothing and have your mind quiet down.

But why is that?

Well, I can of course only speak for myself and what’s going on in my mind when I try to quieten it down, but I tend to think about a lot of random stuff. Starting from all the stuff that I need to do that day, over what’s gonna be for lunch, all the way to what I saw on social media the day before. What usually happens then is that I wonder why I can’t focus and start to focus on why I can’t focus and that I should be able to and suddenly the whole calm and serenity is broken because now I am judging myself for not being able to focus… yeah… you get the gist xD

So I have very quickly realized that guided meditation is the way to go for me, and I’m very happy with it ๐Ÿ˜Š

Where to start?

When it comes to non-guided meditations, that question is easy to answer: either look for some quiet background music you enjoy and that isn’t distracting to you or do it without any music at all. You’ll figure out pretty quickly what you prefer, I’m sure.

When it comes to guided meditations, however, the question get’s a little bit more complicated to answer. There are a ton of different apps and programs out there that offer you guided meditation, such as Headspace or Calm, to only name two, and at least I felt a bit overwhelmed by all of the possibilities in the beginning.

I found that the easiest way to see, if meditation is something you want in your life is by looking for guided meditations on YouTube. There are so many out there, targeting so many different topics and it’s genuinely a very good place to get started.

If you then want to switch to an app for whatever reason, I can recommend reading through some reviews and maybe looking for some comparisons between the different apps; or you can of course also download them yourself and check them out. Most of them do have some free features after all.

Why should you meditate?

Meditation has many benefits and most of them you’ll find out for yourself once you give it a shot, but for me there are two that stick out in particular. One is the fact that no matter what mood I’m in, meditation helps to improve it. Even if it’s just by a little bit but does help.

The second major benefit that I see in meditation is that it helps me focus on myself for a little while and not on my friends or family or strangers and what those might think of me. It helps me to shut those thoughts down for a bit and just focus on what I want for myself.

So, now what does all of that have to do with no longer wanting to give a fuck about everything?

Well that’s easily explained. Meditation forces you to focus on yourself instead of others. Depending on what you go for, you might even tackle certain topics that bother you and you might find that they become much easier to deal with, the more often you concern yourself with them.

So, if you’re someone like me, who used to give too many fucks about too many things, meditation can help you to center your thoughts and make you aware of what really matters. I personally realized that I was spending too many thoughts and too much energy on things that didn’t really matter instead of focusing on a few things that I wanted to matter. It helped me to take a step back from my life and reevaluate what I really wanted to spend my energy on in the future.

Of course, and I think that needs to be said as well, meditation is no miracle. It’s a process. And a process takes time and there will be better days and worse days. Old habits die hard after all and sadly, nothing will magically solve itself. However, I have noticed significant improvements in my life since I included it in my daily routine and that surely has to stand for something, right?

Have you ever considered including meditation into your daily life or maybe you are already doing it and want to share your own experiences? Let me know in the comments ๐Ÿ˜Š

As always, stay safe and healthy, and thank you to everyone who is supporting this blog in any way, shape or form. You’re all incredible and I appreciate every single one of you โค


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The End but also a New Beginning?

I know the title might sound a bit dramatic but let me tell you, why it is fitting nonetheless:

After 14 days our challenge has come to an end. You already know that of course, if you have read the previous post, but in a way the challenge isn’t really over or at least the topic of it isn’t.

Joan and I have both decided that living this way is much, much better than our old habits were and while we sometimes struggled with the early get up times, we not only got used to it but also started to appreciate all the benefits that come with such a lifestyle change.

I decided to post one last post as part of this series and I asked Joan to give me a final statement, sort of her final thoughts on this challenge. Here is what she said:

I really enjoyed this challenge and I think Iโ€™m gonna keep doing most of the aspects of it. Although it has really been hard in the beginning to make myself get up at those โ€œungodlyโ€ hours, Iโ€™ve really grown to like it ๐Ÿ™‚ 

There are definitely some things I want to keep doing besides getting up early, such as making my bed first thing in the morning, yoga, skincare and meditation (kinda wanna try some different ones)

Something I definitely want to stop doing is using my phone a lot in the morning (especially after Iโ€™m done with my morning stuff – I think my brain sees this as a sort of treat) 

There are also some things that I want to add to my routine: evening yoga and a more closing evening routine in general (Iโ€™m thinking about a nice cuppa tea and maybe getting myself to read for like 30 minutes before bed or something like that, but weโ€™ll see), Maybe a daily walk since I donโ€™t go outside a lot (rrrrRRoooooooOnNaa โ€ฆ. and anxiety mixed with a healthy dose of introversion ๐Ÿ‘)

To be honest, I kinda had my doubts about how good I would do in this challenge and if I had enough motivation to keep pushing through. And I have to say, I really surprised myself and I am proud of pushing through it. Even though some days were hard and my energy levels were low, I still kept at it. The day feels much more useful and I actually feel more responsible and mature now than I did before. Last but not least, one of my favorite things in this challenge has got to be the morning atmosphere (the sun just rising, birds chirping and sitting down with a nice cup of coffee while you are listening to the radio and just  โœจEXISTโœจ- itโ€™s just ๐Ÿ‘Œ)”

My thoughts about this challenge are very similar. I love to sleep in and getting up at 8 am and then later at 7 am felt daunting at first, to say the least. So you can imagine my surprise, when it ended up being not as difficult as I thought it would be. Despite struggling with it at first, my body seemed to notice that I was doing something healthy to it and it responded super positively to it. (Newsflash: Doing something that is considered to be healthy actually has a positive impact on your body and your health – who would have thought ๐Ÿ™„)

No, but in all seriousness, I am glad I wasn’t alone in doing this challenge. Having someone else to talk to about it and holding each other accountable for keeping up with it, really helped me with pushing through and not immediately going back to old habits, when things got a bit rough. So I want to thank Joan once more for doing this with me and keeping me motivated throughout this challenge. ๐Ÿ’ช

I will also keep most of the habits that I have picked up, in order to make sure they stay part of my morning routine and not just stuff I do every once in a while. Those are meditation first thing in the morning, reading for 30 minutes a day (not sure if I will keep doing it in the mornings but so far it actually has worked out quite well) and skincare and of course getting up early (duh). However, since I work from home and my days tend to be very samey, I think I won’t be so strict about in on the weekends because I want to have this distinction between the week and the weekends. Admittedly, this is also because I don’t think I will be able to sustain it otherwise.

There is one habit that I definitely have picked up during this challenge that I want to get rid off again asap, and that is, staying in bed on my phone after I have done my meditation and my reading. I’m thinking of maybe changing my routine a little bit so that I do my skincare and everything else before I do meditation and reading, cause then I will already be up and hopefully won’t feel the need of wanting to laze in bed.

I also want to add two habits. Both of which are things I don’t really enjoy but I know are healthy for me so I should definitely add them regularly: those two things are cooking and exercising. I think those two things are self-explanatory healthy habits that I don’t need to go into about why they are important.

All in all, it was a fun challenge and I can definitely recommend doing something like this, if you feel like you don’t get enough out of a day. And here is why the title fits this scenario well: It is the end of a challenge but for both Joan and I it is also a new beginning of at least a healthier sleeping schedule, if not anything else.

I hope you enjoyed reading along and are maybe inspired to do something similar. If these posts did inspire you to try this out yourself, let me know in the comments how it goes. I love reading all of your comments๐Ÿ˜Š I also want to thank everybody that has read, liked, commented or followed these posts! I am glad you enjoyed them. Btw I have figured out a regular posting schedule now, so let’s hope I’ll be able to stick to it ๐Ÿ˜…

So talk to you guys soon, and of course, please make sure you stay healthy and safe! โค


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